What Amazes Me

Reiki & Running: Tools for Healing

I never thought of myself as a physical person. I live at my desk in brain-mode. My cardiologist says walking a doodle doesn’t count. But physical activity was never my thing. Having spent most of my life in physical pain from autoimmune diseases and other problems, living in my body has been hard for me.

Of course if you train as an actor, you have to live in your body. So my acting training helped. My movement teacher first introduced me to Reiki (back in the 80s). It felt so life-changing, I signed up for private sessions. But it never occurred to me to get Reiki as a permanent thing until I saw a functional MD after getting out of the hospital in 2014 (after I almost died).

The functional MD cost a fortune, but she did a ton of tests that regular doctors never do. Even though I’d been in the hospital for 3 weeks, the regular doctors had not tested me for specific bacterial infections. Once I got the parasites out of my gut, I was able to get my Ulcerative Colitis into remission and keep it there. (Knock wood.)

The functional MD also insisted I learn self-Reiki. I was so weak I had to nap before each class. But I did it, and ever since then Reiki is part of my daily routine. I am sure it has helped me stay calm, focused and in my body. I highly recommend it! (Pamela Miles teaches Reiki in NYC.)

But running has changed my relationship with my body. I am completely amazed that I can actually run. Like, In Awe. Even now that I’ve been doing it daily for almost 8 months (okay, I skipped a few days in June when I was feverish). It’s true, if you “just do it,” it gets done!

But so what? I mean, lots of people run. Is it amazing? For me? Totally! Running means I am capable and strong! I have become physical!

I was literally raised to be weak. I was so sure I was a boy when I was a child, my parents both conspired to force me to be super-girly. I was often dressed in so much lace, I couldn’t find my body, forget about using it! I wasn’t allowed to play sports with my cousins at cookouts. I was expected to be quiet, lady-like and demure.

Of course I rebelled, but I forgot about my body. Or I just left it behind. I never expected much of it since it had so often let me down. With endometriosis and adenomyosis, I spent a week each month in bed (or on serious pain pills, or both) starting at age 12. This didn’t inspire me to think of my body in a positive way. I had severe migraines too. I could barely function, and never in any consistent way in terms of strength. Menopause changed all that. Since then everything is so much easier.

Running also helps me know that I can get away. Today a man was exposing himself in the woods where I run. I’ve taken several self-defense courses so I know I can fight back now. But this incident helped me understand just how negatively I had been thinking of myself/my body.

As a survivor it amazes me that I never thought to get physically strong - I just assumed that was off the table for me as a chronically ill person. But here I am creating a new strength, and a new idea of myself, and I highly recommend it.

Running didn’t just happen overnight. I spent 8 months last year increasing my ability to do cardio, starting with 4 minutes/day. I didn’t get to 30 minutes til late December. I hope I can keep going. It seems impossible every morning, but it keeps happening. I am grateful for it, a lesson in identity.

Writing Prompt:

If I’m stuck, getting outside my writing helps. When nothing’s working, first thing I do is acknowledge my frustration and offer self-compassion or love for the suffering I’m going through, because we suffer when things aren’t going well. Acknowledge it and be kind to yourself!

How do I get outside? By pulling way back and looking at whatever I’m working on from farther out. A bird’s eye view. And I write notes to myself while I do this, so that I can understand what I see, and what I want to see.

I’ll write a prose version of whatever scene I’m working on. I want this to happen, and then that to happen, and if I can make it clear that she feels this way about it, and he feels that way about it, then I can ramp up the conflict between them… And little things will start to occur to me, like the orange juice is too pulpy. He didn’t strain it like he used to. She spits it into the sink.

While I’m writing myself these notes, the little specificities will want to be known. If I can see the scene, close my eyes and imagine it, then the things of the scene, like the view, the weather, the stuff in the drawers, the potential weapons, the dangers in the room, possible allergens, the feelings or discomfort inside the bodies, anything specific that occurs while I’m trying to notice what’s there becomes important. If I can use what’s already there, it will feel more organic to the scene.

A prop list can help. I try to keep track of what I absolutely need onstage because the more I can use it, the more it can function in several different ways, the better I feel and the closer I get to a working scene and a working play.

If you have an important prop, consider all the ways it can be used. How often can it show up? What can it do in different contexts? How does each character feel about it? What is it’s trajectory through the piece? What does it tell us about the characters? Nothing is incidental. Everything is a choice, an intention. Let me know if this helps!

Brave Space Schedule:

8/19 Monday 12pm ET Brave Space
8/20 Tuesday 12pm ET Brave Space with workshop
8/20 Tuesday 7pm ET Advanced Brave Group Coaching
8/21 Wednesday 7pm ET All Human Brave Space
8/22 Thursday Brave Space cancelled
8/23 Friday 12pm ET Brave Space

8/26 Monday 12pm ET Brave Space
8/27 Tuesday 12pm ET Brave Space with workshop
8/27 Tuesday 7pm ET Advanced Brave Group Coaching
8/28 Wednesday 7pm ET All Human Brave Space
8/29 Thursday 12pm ET Brave Space
8/30 Friday 12pm ET Brave Space 
8/30 Friday 3pm ET Brave Sharing Salon!

9/3 Monday Labor Day No Brave Space 
9/4 Tuesday 12pm ET Brave Space with workshop
9/4 Tuesday 7pm ET Advanced Brave Group Coaching
9/5 Wednesday 7pm ET All Human Brave Space
9/6 Thursday 12pm ET Brave Space
9/7 Friday 12pm ET Brave Space

Each week Tuesdays include a workshop for up to a page of writing. Each month there are 2 Sharing Salons. Wednesday night mid-month and Friday end of month. You can share up to 10 minutes of work. (Wednesdays will become Sundays soon.)

Announcements:

Brave Group Coaching New Cohort Forming! I’ll be offering a new 6 week introduction to Your Nervous System. Enjoy better Self-Regulation with somatic exercises and IFS-informed parts work starting Tuesday, September 10th from 7pm to 830pm ET via Zoom for 6 weeks. This is a slow and gentle approach to help you access greater capacity to be present. More Info Here

Due by Friday September 13th! Apply to the Jam at New Georges (for NYC-based or able to travel to NYC easily 2x/month for 2 years, women+ theatre artists) For information click here. And for the application click here.

I highly recommend Gina Femia's Novel-Writing Workshop!

FOR ACTORS, Casting agent Jen Rudin does this!

Deadline September 1st! Woodward/Newman Award at Constellations, you can send 2 full-length plays including TYA. More info here

Deadline September 8th! YALE DRAMA AWARD More info here

Jenna Lourenco is looking for Autistic Theatre People for a study Examining Environmental & Cultural Challenges to Autistic Accessibility in Theatre Workspaces" through the end of October 2024 at this link!

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