Mothering Ourselves OR NOT
Belated Antidotes to Mother’s Day
Sunday I confessed to a friend that I have a conflicted relationship with Mother’s Day (and my mother and my grief). Don’t we all? (And isn’t this a function of living under patriarchy where mothers are blamed for everything and get no support?) My friend suggested we celebrate Mothering Ourselves. And I loved this so much! (Until I didn’t.)
So I mothered myself for the rest of Sunday and then Monday and Tuesday. I tend to get passionate about healing ideas/hacks in big, unstoppable ways. I overdo them To The Max until finally they can be tossed (like my past addictions) or settled into my routines (like my compassion practice).
I went all in with soothing meditations, baths, bedtime, books and all the mothering I could stuff into extra cups of tea with honey. I felt a growing sense of dread. My mother will be dead 40 years this July.
You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but there are parts of me that hold this heavily. Parts backing away from July dreading that anniversary. I really want to help these parts, and mothering myself and my parts was my answer until I met the part that wanted to scream at me for this.
“Enough already! Why are you so full of grief 40 years later? Doesn’t it ever end?!”
So I had a session with my coach. I got to know a part who believed that when I feel alone, I should banish myself to sit with my aloneness all alone. This part didn’t believe in reaching out for help.
I met this part with curiosity and compassion and found the exile they were protecting. My coach and I were able to unburden this exile. We dropped these beliefs in the Harlem River which is tidal and links to the East River that goes into New York harbor where those beliefs sailed out to sea. We retrieved my exile so that she isn’t standing in the rain locked outside my childhood home anymore. She’s safe and sound in my treehouse cabin in the woods.
I can plan to be in community next Mother’s Day (not alone as usual). And I feel better about asking for help whenever I need it. Now I don’t feel the need to do quite so much mothering!
Is there something you’re dreading? Something your parts are trying and failing to manage? Are you running some secret code that’s draining your battery or slowing your server? If you don’t have access to an IFS practitioner (and you don’t want to reach out to me for coaching) can you write about it? Even beginning to write about it can be helpful.
I’m not saying clear an hour and dive into something hard. I’m saying set a timer and put 5 minutes worth of truth on a page. Then go watch some funny videos or toss a ball to your pet or play a song on your ukulele. Then do another 5 minutes. Small increments can be very helpful.
The Side Door Mother Prompt:
Because many of us have really intense memories of our mothers. It can be really hard to write about them. So we’re going to head in through the side door.
Carve a side door into your original home when your Mom was there being the Mom that she was. Use that side door as a stranger. Wear a trench coat and dark glasses. Spy on your Mom.
Try to see what she’s doing from her point of view. Is she working hard? Is she trying to escape? Is she happy? Solid as in fulfilled? Frustrated? Dysregulated? Depressed? Pretending? Solid as in indoctrinated? Is it a good day or a bad day?
Can you describe what she’s trying to do and the tools she has with which to do it? What’s on the sensory landscape? Is it bright and sunny or dark and stormy? What’s home look like to her? Did she pick it out and decorate it herself? What are some favored items? What is important in this landscape? What is she proud of or ashamed of? What are the scents and tastes? What are the sounds? Does she have something to say to you, stranger? If she didn’t know it was you, what might she reveal?
Brave Group Coaching is Back!
The 6-week Introductory Brave Group Coaching Course starts June 24th, Tuesdays at 7pm ET (time zone converter here)! Let people know, it is possible to self-regulate and ground, even in these difficult times. It is possible to move past feelings of helplessness even while American, neurodivergent, disabled, chronically ill, and/or in chronic pain. Affordable coaching in a small group with kindness for however you want to show up, camera on or off. The practices I’m teaching shifted the needle for me. Small incremental changes are possible, and they help more than you’d imagine. Or I wouldn’t be here in remission for 5 autoimmune diseases, functioning without chronic pain.
Advanced Brave Group Coaching returns twice a month on Tuesdays at 12pm ET (time zone converter here) starting July 8th, then July 29th, August 12th and 26th.
Neuro-Affirming (NAF) Parts Work Group:
Meets Second Saturdays of each month to offer community, parts work experience and support for anyone interested who is neurodivergent (inclusive of many different ways to be neurodivergent including Autism, ADHD, OCD, cPTSD, traumatic brain injuries, and more). Run by Emma and Jess, both of us Audhd, we are creating Parts Work content for healing and ease in neurodivergent systems. Sign up for our link here. Our next meeting is 12pm ET (time zone converter here) Saturday, June 14th.
Amazing People Doing Amazing Things:
If you want to be listed here, please let me know what you’re up to and include your links!
For example, Shoshanna Gleich is the Cat in the Hat in SEUSSICAL at Art/NY 5/8-18 Tickets Here!
Chicago’s Lookingglass Theatre is producing the World Premiere of Iraq, But Funny which follows five generations of Assyrian women attempting to reclaim their story as it’s being narrated by some British guy. Written by Atra Asdou, this journey from the Ottoman Empire to modern-day U.S.A. is filled with history, family, dysfunction, razor-sharp wit, and off-the-wall humor, culminating in a riotous reckoning you won’t want to miss! Directed by the amazing Dalia Ashurina who directed my play/podcast Abraham’s Daughters. Previews start on May 29th and runs June 7 through July 20th.
Audrey Cephaly has written a great Substack on How to Write the 10 Minute Play - I highly recommend her Substack every day, and especially this one.
Take a Poetry Workshop with Only Poems.
Playwrights! If you’re not already subscribed to Mark Ravenhill’s free newsletter for his 101 exercises for playwrights, you might want to click here to do that. If you’ve missed them, reach out and I’ll send you a pdf of the 1st 53, and a pdf of 54 - now. So you won’t have to search through the endless Twitter-verse for random entries.
If you are struggling with the news, try this article about resistance.
Opportunities:
Kelly Grace Thomas is offering a free poetry workshop TONIGHT! Thursday, May 15th 7pm ET.
Skeleton Rep is offering a residency for uptown NYC playwrights and other folks interested in playwriting! Apply by May 16th!
Go to Umbria this summer with LaMama, David Diamond, and Dael Orlandersmith!
THE APPLICATION WINDOW FOR LOCAL LAB 15 IS NOW OPEN. If you are a resident of a western state (Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Utah, Wyoming) you can apply here through June 1st.
Centre Theatre New Play Festival wants new plays! Submit by June 30th!
Moxie Theatre seeks new plays Submit by June 30th! All plays must be written by women+ playwrights. For musicals, at least two thirds of the writing team must identify as women+ (in a team of two people, both must identify as women+) Submissions are now open for ten-minute plays, full-length plays, and full-length musicals. They recommend 6 or fewer characters.
Ixion is seeking up to 8 scripts where DEFIANCE figures prominently to be considered for further development, including staged readings and possibly full production in June of 2026. No more than 4 actors. Simple setting. No more than 12 pages. Include only first initial and last name of author. Put script name and your last name in header or footer. Multiple subs allowed. No bios. Send to ixionensemble@gmail.com by 5 p.m. 9/30/25. Defiance can be in any form or any situation to explore relationships, dynamics and moments where opposition comes into play, could take on the relationship between a parent and child, and individual versus a collective or even a people versus an entity.
Breath of Fire is offering free evenings online to write your play with the amazing Diana Burbano on Wednesdays 630 - 830pm PST. Diana is the Artistic Literary Leader of Breath of Fire, an award-winning playwright, Equity Actor and Teaching Artist for South Coast Rep. From 2/26 - 10/22/25.
Telephone seeks all kinds of creative folks from everywhere in the world to respond to other artists/poets/dancers/etc to create a global community of responses. It is a massively brilliant project (I contributed to), and they want all kinds of creatives involved especially outside the US. Check out what they are doing and reach out!
Women in the Arts & Media have a list of opps you can sign up to get monthly.
For poets, Angela T. Carr’s Wordbox has monthly opps & more!
Brave Space
With prompts, grounding practices, & discussions, Brave Space invites playwrights, poets, painters, potters, novelists, memoirists, musicians & artists working in any medium to make meaning in a safe community. Begin and/or bring your projects to completion. Or use Brave Space as a body-doubling space to get other things done in community. $5-25 suggested per session. 4+x/week! On or off camera. No commitment, drop-ins welcome. Try it!
Brave Space Schedule:
Mondays & Wednesdays at 12pm ET; Fridays at 12pm ET w/fast feedback; and Sundays at 6pm ET with Sharing Second Sundays at 730pm ET (that means June 8th!!!) Email or reply below for a link!
Brave Space is on hiatus Friday May 16th - Sunday May 18th while I attend my son’s college graduation. No Brave Space Memorial Day. No Brave Space Friday June 6th.
Still life by Scott Sherman found at ScottShermanStudio on Instagram
ACTIONS TO TAKE:
Give to the Middle Eastern Children’s Alliance
Give to Doctors Without Borders
6 Ways to Support Palestine
Donate for Civilians in Palestine
Fight for the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA).
And why does the TO THE MAX part feel so familiar 😭
Love this conversation - so important!