Creativity is like Sex
Are you getting any?
How Creativity is Like Sex:
People are kinda shy about doing it in front of others. People often have a hard time talking about what helps. Some people feel that they do what they do and they don’t want to get better at it. Some depend a lot on their collaborator(s) to make it work. Some blame their collaborators when it doesn’t work.
There is a mystery about creativity/sex to uncover. Some people don’t want to uncover it or even search for why something works when something else doesn’t. Some fear that by looking too closely we’ll lose the mystery.
I’m not all that interested in sex, but I am interested in creativity. Maybe as much as some people are interested in sex! I definitely want to be creating every day. But many people don’t need to get creative every day. Some don’t seem to recognize the many opportunities for creativity (it’s not the wolf they’re feeding), and that’s fine.
Daily practice is not necessary, although I often see the rust we have to shake off when we take a break. I think daily creativity keeps us available to being more creative. Like the old adage, working actors work, building a creative practice insures creative output. But I’ll never be one to insist people create daily.
I started as a binge writer, writing over weekends, stealing time to throw myself into the work and then being done with it. It took years to develop a regular practice. I had a hard time starting.
Some People Need to Be In the Mood:
For years I had to be in the mood. This is why I know it’s an excuse, but I don’t mean that in a judgey way. As an Audhder, my brain doesn’t like to start. I blamed myself and shamed myself about this, and then I had to heal from that. Now I know that starting is the key, and I need hacks to do it.
If you know you have trouble starting (like I did), Brave Space is the perfect hack. I built it for this purpose. But you don’t have to show up in Brave Space to learn to start. You could find an accountability partner; use body-doubling; set a timer for a short (single-digit) period of time; create achievable goals (one paragraph or one sentence or one word); offer yourself rewards. Sometimes the starting is everything. I’ve found that once I start, the mood arises. And once you’ve started, you can stop if you want to, but once you’ve started, you’re doing it. Why stop? (Just add lube!)
Some of Us Want to Wear Protection:
It can be difficult to throw caution to the wind. Some of us will need to warm up slowly. Some of us will need more foreplay than others. Some of us will want to start with romance, dinner, candles. Whatever you think you’ll need, give yourself permission to have it. Do it the way you want to do it. Especially if you were born into a body that is othered or taught to serve others, allow yourself the freedom to set the tone and get your needs met.
Being Open to What Happens:
With sex, some people have a fear of being judged during the act. With writing and other forms of creativity, you don’t have to show your work. It isn’t math class. And it isn’t automatically getting published or produced. What you’ve written in a document or a notebook doesn’t find its own way to a platform. You will get the chance to revise it. And I believe revision is 99% of my work. No, that’s too high. I think it’s probably, honestly 75%. I don’t even know what I’m creating when I begin. I feel my way through. (Einstein said, “How do I work? I grope.”)
You can turn back if you need to. You can delete. You can edit. You can also let it sit and come back to it later when you’re not feeling so exposed.
Because creating is like getting naked. Creating is like discovering what gets you off and having the opportunity to hone it.
Giving Yourself Some Grace:
The thing about creativity is we all think we’re supposed to know how to do it (just like sex) as if it’s supposed to come naturally. And sometimes it does come naturally, and some of us will call that a fluke. Some of us will be so exhilarated, it’s the gateway drug that keeps us hooked to creativity for a lifetime. Especially if we can keep making it work.
There is always the next project, and we can get bogged down in doubt. Because there is no one way to have sex, and there is no one way to get creative. And we don’t live in a culture that appreciates creativity, so doubt can creep in. But creativity is one of the most healing things we can do. It gives me a great sense of agency in a world where I’m constantly being reminded I am trapped. I can imagine freedom. I can be in charge of all kinds of worlds when I’m creative.
Let yourself be in charge. Let yourself be the one who knows, because the truth is, you do. Nowhere else in this culture do we have this kind of power. Creativity is subversive because it proves to each of us each time that we are in fact in charge.
Run with this. We all need this right now. Build the world you want to build. Trust yourself. Enjoy it.
The Prompt:
Give yourself 5 minutes on a timer to make a list of all the projects you want to get to in your lifetime. Hopefully there are more than 20. It’s not a commitment, it’s a list. Let yourself make a big one. Studies have shown we get more creative when we have to list more. List 100 if you want! See how many you can list. You don’t have to write much of a description either, just enough so you’ll recognize it when you come back to it.
If you get to one that feels really juicy, write down everything you know about it and everything you want to know. What would it take to create this? Can you dive in? Set a timer for 5 more minutes and free write on a theme in the project. Or in the voice of the project or a character in the project.
Then for another 5 minutes, write from the opposite point of view.
Take another 5 minutes (perhaps a different day — perhaps each 5 minutes is a different day) and write the sensory experience of a memory that fits into this theme. Make sure you check in with all the senses as you write about this experience.
Then another 5 minutes to create sensory experience in a memory that serves the opposite point of view. See what emerges.
If you work for 5 minutes every day, you will build a strong practice and a new project. Come to Brave Space and dive deeper!
Brave Group Coaching is Back!
The 6-week Introductory Brave Group Coaching Course starts June 24th, Tuesdays at 7pm ET (time zone converter here)!
It is possible to self-regulate and ground, even in these difficult times. It is possible to move past feelings of helplessness even while American, neurodivergent, disabled, chronically ill, and/or in chronic pain.
This is affordable coaching in a small group with kindness for however you want to show up, camera on or off, etc.
The practices I’m teaching shifted the needle for me. Small incremental changes are possible, and they help more than you’d imagine. Or I wouldn’t be here in remission for 5 autoimmune diseases, functioning without chronic pain.
Advanced Brave Group Coaching Returns
twice a month on Tuesdays at 12pm ET (time zone converter here) starting July 8th, then July 29th, August 12th and 26th.
Neuro-Affirming (NAF) Parts Work Group:
Meets Second Saturdays of each month to offer community, parts work experience and support for anyone interested who is neurodivergent (inclusive of many different ways to be neurodivergent including Autism, ADHD, Audhd, OCD, cPTSD, traumatic brain injuries, and more). Run by Emma and Jess, both of us Audhd, we are creating Parts Work content for healing and ease in neurodivergent systems. Sign up for our link here. Our next meeting is 12pm ET (time zone converter here) Saturday, June 14th. Sliding scale from $5-25/session.
Amazing People Doing Amazing Things:
If you want to be listed here, please let me know what you’re up to and include your links!
For example, I’m waiting to hear from two shortlists, so keep your fingers crossed for me! My flash fiction, “Appetites,” made it into Best MicroFictions 2025 and will drop in July at this link!
Chicago’s Lookingglass Theatre is producing the World Premiere of Iraq, But Funny which follows five generations of Assyrian women attempting to reclaim their story as it’s being narrated by some British guy. Written by Atra Asdou, this journey from the Ottoman Empire to modern-day U.S.A. is filled with history, family, dysfunction, razor-sharp wit, and off-the-wall humor, culminating in a riotous reckoning you won’t want to miss! Directed by the amazing Dalia Ashurina who directed my play/podcast Abraham’s Daughters. Previews start on May 29th and runs June 7 through July 20th.
Audrey Cephaly has written a great Substack on How to Write the 10 Minute Play - I highly recommend her Substack every day, and especially this one.
Take a Poetry Workshop with Only Poems.
Playwrights! If you’re not already subscribed to Mark Ravenhill’s free newsletter for his 101 exercises for playwrights, you might want to click here to do that. If you’ve missed them, reach out and I’ll send you a pdf of the 1st 53, and a pdf of 54 - now. So you won’t have to search through the endless Twitter-verse for random entries.
If you are struggling with the news, try this article about resistance.
Opportunities:
THE APPLICATION WINDOW FOR LOCAL LAB 15 IS NOW OPEN. If you are a resident of a western state (Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Utah, Wyoming) you can apply here through June 1st.
Centre Theatre New Play Festival wants new plays! Submit by June 30th!
Moxie Theatre seeks new plays Submit by June 30th! All plays must be written by women+ playwrights. For musicals, at least two thirds of the writing team must identify as women+ (in a team of two people, both must identify as women+) Submissions are now open for ten-minute plays, full-length plays, and full-length musicals. They recommend 6 or fewer characters.
Ixion is seeking up to 8 scripts where DEFIANCE figures prominently to be considered for further development, including staged readings and possibly full production in June of 2026. No more than 4 actors. Simple setting. No more than 12 pages. Include only first initial and last name of author. Put script name and your last name in header or footer. Multiple subs allowed. No bios. Send to ixionensemble@gmail.com by 5 p.m. 9/30/25. Defiance can be in any form or any situation to explore relationships, dynamics and moments where opposition comes into play, could take on the relationship between a parent and child, and individual versus a collective or even a people versus an entity.
Telephone seeks all kinds of creative folks from everywhere in the world to respond to other artists/poets/dancers/etc to create a global community of responses. It is a massively brilliant project (I contributed to), and they want all kinds of creatives involved especially outside the US and especially filmmakers and musicians. Check out what they are doing and reach out!
Women in the Arts & Media have a list of opps you can sign up to get monthly.
For poets, Two Sylvias Weekly Muse is a great community with classes and more!
Woman, by Scott Sherman, ScottShermanStudio on Instagram
Brave Space
With prompts, grounding practices, & discussions, Brave Space invites playwrights, poets, painters, potters, novelists, memoirists, musicians & artists working in any medium to make meaning in a safe community. Begin and/or bring your projects to completion. Or use Brave Space as a body-doubling space to get other things done in community. $5-25 suggested per session. 4+x/week! On or off camera. No commitment, drop-ins welcome. Try it!
Brave Space Schedule:
Mondays & Wednesdays at 12pm ET; Fridays at 12pm ET w/fast feedback; and Sundays at 6pm ET with Sharing Second Sundays at 730pm ET (that means June 8th!!!) Email or reply below for a link!
No Brave Space Friday June 6th.
ACTIONS TO TAKE:
Give to the Middle Eastern Children’s Alliance
Give to Doctors Without Borders
6 Ways to Support Palestine
Donate for Civilians in Palestine
Fight for the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA).
I LOVE this. Explains myself to me. Sometimes I need an hour warm-up before I can get writing.
This was great. And needed. Like sex.