Acceptance is Not Approval
Finding Ways to Live with Reality So We Can Change It!
Many (if not most) of us are pretty unhappy with the way things are at the moment. Some of us, including me, maybe just me, end up having thoughts like, maybe I shouldn’t be here anymore. This I acknowledge and accept as my back-up default setting. It can comfort me and help me feel as if I’m in control, but I don’t want to signal my body to start dismantling my remissions. I don’t want to run an energy-sucking program of frustration, upset or dysregulation.
I don’t want to live in opposition to reality — I want to harness the power of Acceptance. Many of us confuse Acceptance with Approval. I do not approve of things as they are. I do not approve of ongoing genocide, wide-spread surveillance or any part of our fascist government. And I want to be able to organize and work to live in a safer, kinder world.
But I can’t achieve anything until I can balance and regulate my emotional state. Acceptance helps me do that. Acceptance is the neutral of my brain’s gear shift. I have to move to Accept what is before I can shift out of that to make change. Either can you. That’s how humans work. So whether I’m living in Denial or Fury, if I can shift to Acceptance, I can stop bracing myself and start to regulate my emotions. This will allow me to process and then to problem-solve. And we all need that capacity right now.
My brain is an Audhd brain (autistic and adhd). I’ve had to learn how to shift gears or else I get stuck. Rigidity is a common trait for autistic folks, and I have spent a lot of time stuck in rigid thought patterns with rigid routines, and please let’s not talk about my rigidity around food. So I’m a work-in-progress. But this genetic neurotype has forced me to look at how the brain works, and how I can work with it to shift from rigid foot-stomping frustration into more ease and the ability to actually think. The answer is Acceptance.
Acceptance allows me to approach the challenge instead of withdrawing. It helps me communicate with kindness without bracing against the way things are. Acceptance creates resilience and reduces stress.
Test yourself by digging in with a big, “Hell, NO!” How does that feel in your body? Shake that out, and let that go. Then see what it feels like to accept with a big, “Yes, I Accept and that doesn’t mean I like it or want to stick with it.” How does Acceptance feel in your body? With Acceptance, we can all be agents of change.
If you are struggling with feelings of overwhelm or helplessness, I’m a personal coach. I help all kinds of people understand their nervous systems to create more ease. Through regulation and parts work, you can find your way back to your self. The next Brave Group Coaching cohort starts Thursday, February 20th. Or I am available for private sessions. Join me! For more information click here.
The Prompt:
IMPOSSIBILITY - Here is a quote from an article by Sandeep Parmar about Natalie Diaz and her life as an indigenous, queer poet from The Guardian from July 2020,
“Most of us live in a state of impossibility,” Diaz says,
by which I think she means not the inverse of hopefulness
but an awareness of the limitations of an individual life.
Impossibility as a state of desire, a will towards rebuilding.
“In Mojave, our words for want and need are the same –
because why would you want what you don’t need? For me,
that’s true desire. Desire isn’t frivolous, it’s what life is.”The impossibility of desire is an interesting place to begin with a story or a character or an idea/theme. And the will towards rebuilding. Name your characters’ desire. What must they rebuild to achieve it? Make a list and choose.
With what is going on in the world right now, please consider impossible desires. We need these stories more than ever before. Make this impossibility the new stake, the new idea, the new reach and stretch your characters! Give them dreams and necessities, let them fail and try again and again. Create resilience. Box them in. Paint them into corners. Then show us what they can use to drive them forward to achieve their goals. Reverse engineer it if that helps.
There are people surviving fires and floods. There are people surviving torture and loss. There are people whose lives are being threatened every day. There are heroes who have to get up and go to work as if they and their families are not in crisis. There are heroes who have lost their jobs because freedom of speech has been suspended. This is a small list. Make a bigger one. Or find the one story that shimmers for you with great energy, a story only you can tell. Help us all dream.
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artwork by Scott Sherman via ScottShermanStudio on Instagram
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Sunday 6pm ET All Human Brave Space
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February 13: Melbourne International Film Festival 2025 FINAL Deadline
February 13: NEA Grants for Arts Projects (GAP) Submission
February 14: *NEW* Manifest Gallery: Watching, a Call for Works about Observation…
February 16: *NEW* Manifest Gallery: Magnitude Seven Submissions
February 19: *NEW* Bethany Arts 3rd Annual Emerging Artist Fellowship
For Queer Playwrights in the MidAtlantic Region, The Strides Collective Commission application is open til February 23, apply here!
Ghost City Press publishes 10 pages of poetry in micro-chapbooks, submit by February 28th. (No Sim Subs)
Clubbed Thumb's New Play Commission due March 20th!
Pittsburgh New Works seeks one-act plays for their 2025 season of world premieres. 15 to 20 plays will be selected as full productions or readings. Read their guidelines (they have changed somewhat) and if your play qualifies, submit it no later than Sunday, April 6!
For 10-30 min plays for The ReOrient Festival (about the Middle East Or by Middle Eastern writers) til April 30th more info / submit
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Amazing People Doing Amazing Things:
Audrey Cephaly has written a great Substack on How to Write the 10 Minute Play - I highly recommend her Substack every day, but especially this one.
Jennifer Kircher Carr has written An Ode to Melodrama for all kinds of writers. I think it’s worth a read if you want to move your readers/audience.
TOUCH a new play by Lori Goodman directed by Janice L. Goldberg will run at The Tank, 2/20 - 3/16. With the inimitable Carole Foreman in the lead role! Sit with me 3/8.
MRS LOMAN, a new play by Barbara Cassidy asking how can we deal with a sexist and racist canon, (a must-see sequel to Death of a Salesman), on Theatre Row directed by Meghan Finn. Running through 2/15, go see it! I love this play!
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Thanks Emma. This was definitely something I needed to hear with everything that's happening. It can definitely get overwhelming but your advice about acceptance is really helpful.
Once again, you have come to my rescue, Emma. Acceptance is Not Approval. Thank you for sharing a simple strategy to cope with these chaotic times. I CAN do this.